hello 2025
reflecting on new year resolutions.
I do not like making big New Year's resolutions at the start of the year. Although, understandably, most people use this time of year to seek new goals and purpose, I am the type of person who feels that any moment and period in life is ideal for beginning something new and setting new goals. There's a song I adore that explores this; the lyrics mention how when the clock strikes 0:00 every day, it's a new chance to start over. However, I understand that during this period of tremendous nostalgia, it is simpler to establish new goals for yourself.
Looking back on 2024, I can say that I was mostly happy, even if the last part was stressful and involved multiple family conflicts. Last year I graduated from university, left my toxic job for a better-paying position in a place that makes me feel at ease, met new people, traveled with friends, and even put myself out there for someone, although it didn't work out in the end, and while in some ways doesn't feel like it, I learned a lot. But there is something I can't help but regret, and as I was reflecting on everything I went through, a word and a feeling were at the top of my head: I wasn't brave enough. I wasn’t brave enough to speak my mind when I wanted to; to dance for fear of not being good enough; to write more; to send those business emails, to chat with strangers, and to travel alone.
Bravery and fear are very complex emotions; these two words and sensations are opposite, yet they are also intrinsically connected. To be bold, you must let go of your fears or at least try to overcome them. My fears have prevented me from doing many things, mainly out of embarrassment and about what others might think of me, but also because I’m a perfectionist, and I tend to get frustrated and drop things when I'm not the best at them.
In her most recent work, La mujer incierta, Piedad Bonnett, a Colombian author I adore, talks about how she has begun to experience the weight of time. Even though she is content with the way her work has progressed, like everyone else, she feels that there are small regrets, such as wasting time on things that have less value today, not telling her son she loved him enough times, or using her time to prepare lectures rather than writing more.
Her book, a recollection of important memories of her life, made me think about how time is always passing; its weight is always there, even if it's never too late to start something or start over. Letting fear and shame keep me from achieving my goals and trying new things makes the clock in my brain tick a bit too loud.
Reading her prose, combined with the inevitable nostalgia that comes with this time of year, caused me to reflect on what I want for myself in 2025, and more specifically, the pieces I want to build for my future self, which is why the word brave began to appear on my mind throughout the New Year's Day. As I indicated before, I'm not the kind to write elaborate and detailed year resolutions; I'm too lazy to make vision boards; instead, I prefer to make shortlists. Each month, I prepare a list of five little goals that I want to strive to achieve, which range from joining a gym to reading an article every day or responding to texts. So for 2025, I made a list, something I have never done to welcome a new year. A list with the reminder that I don’t have to obligate myself to accomplish every single thing; instead, I just need to try and pick what I can learn from it.
For 2025, I want to be brave enough to believe I always have time to follow my ambitions. I want to stop being afraid of publishing my writing, to be brave enough to talk to a stranger in a cafe, to attend a book club where I don't know anyone, or to explore a new city, to tell someone I like and find them interesting, to dance until my feet ache even if I'm not perfect at it, to disconnect and then reconnect with the excuse of figuring myself out. To be brave enough to fail again and again, because failure does not mean the end of your existence. To embrace and accept uncertainty with open arms because I know I don’t have to be perfect in order to become a better version of myself.
Now I’m listening to:
Hey, thank you for reading.
I hope this new year is filled with love.
Love, Mafe